


take you (and owe me nothing)

by r4m3nlvr



Category: SB19 (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Smut, Getting Back Together, Happy Motmot JoKen Barilan, Josh Top, Josh Tops Ken, M/M, Oneshot, Please Don't Kill Me, Romance, Smut, sex with feelings, there i said it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:20:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25552705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/r4m3nlvr/pseuds/r4m3nlvr
Summary: ken has a proposition. he said, “why don’t you… top… me… then?”
Relationships: Joken, Josh Cullen Santos/Felip Jhon "Ken" Suson
Comments: 17
Kudos: 57





	take you (and owe me nothing)

**Author's Note:**

> —a continuation to “here’s what i owed (now please take me back)”; link: https://twitter.com/r4m3nlvr_19/status/1285948765858398211?s=20  
> —not based on real events  
> —they asked for details, so… i tried to be as detailed as possible; might get long  
> —contains: R18 scenes, josh top (YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED)  
> —a whim; happy monthsary, jokers!
> 
> thanks to everyone who gave me enough motivation to write top!josh. because this has been such a challenge to write!

# take you (and owe me nothing)

They say there is a certain line one does not cross if two people decide amicably to break up. Surely, if the same two people get back together, the lines and boundaries also need to be set? For example, does it make sense for two people to crave for sex after getting back together?

Because if it didn’t, Josh and Ken would have failed the test magnificently. The night before, the first thing they did after getting back together was spend time in each other’s company. Josh only remembered letting Ken into his and Justin’s shared room before the other yanked and pinned him to the door. The next thing he knew, Ken was singlehandedly stripping him of his clothes. He didn’t bother to take off his own. Ken just unzipped his jeans and took Josh with very little preparation.

Not that Josh minded. It was his invitation, and he did not regret a thing. He even thought it was romantic that Ken seemed to be eager for him, judging by how he blatantly ignored Josh’s pleas to ‘slow down’ and ‘wait’. Really, last night felt like a beautiful resolution to a romantic-comedy sitcom.

But now, as Ken was grabbing Josh by the hair and shoving his tongue inside the other’s mouth, Josh thought, this was no sitcom. This was just two guys trying to resolve three hundred and sixty-five days’ worth of unresolved sexual tension. Ken was especially hurried, and Josh thought it was dangerous that he was getting hyperactive.

“Ken— _hey_!” Josh whispered when Ken started to trail his kisses downward, nipping at Josh’s collarbone.

“What?” Ken asked him.

“Idiot, my—ah—hips still hurt from last night,” he stuttered, shuddering when Ken’s hands started to wander under his shirt.

“Hmmn?” he said, in between small bites. “But you said you liked it...”

“It’s b-been a year, dumb— _ah_ —ass!”

Ken chuckled at this, and Josh was slightly annoyed at his cockiness. Sure, Josh always let Ken have his fun in all their past sexual encounters, but there are times like these when Ken sometimes becomes too excited to think straight.

_Control_ , Josh said to himself. He needed to keep Ken under control, or else his own back would suffer. Josh started by grabbing both Ken’s wrists and pinning them to his side.

“I’m serious, Ken,” Josh said. “You have to behave.”

Ken blushed. “But I want you...”

“Well, it’s not that I don’t want the same thing, but we haven’t done it in a while and…” Josh caressed his cheek with the back of his hand. “You know it’s different when you’re on the receiving end, right?”

Ken’s reaction was a curious kind that Josh did not expect. His beautiful brown eyes widened, then he looked away just as the touch of pink on the apples of his cheeks darkened. Josh felt Ken’s pulse quicken at his wrists.

His next words were the last words Josh expected to hear from the young man.

“In that case…” Ken said, still not able to meet Josh’s eyes, “Why don’t you… top… me… then?”

It took only one second for Josh to process his statement. But in his mind, it felt like days.

Josh’s eyes grew wide in surprise. Did he hear that right? Did Ken just…? Josh leaned back, grip on Ken’s hand loosening. He suddenly felt just as shy and conscious as Ken looked back at him, pouting.

“What…?”

“I said… Why… don’t you top me?”

“Uhm… Are you serious?”

Ken sighed, then balled his hand to a fist and covered his mouth with it. The tips of his ears had gone completely red. Then, he nodded.

“Wait…” Josh started, just to ease some questions he was having. “What brought this on?”

Ken swallowed, deliberately avoiding Josh’s gaze. “I… I’m curious.”

“You’re _never_ curious.”

“W-Well, I am _now_ ,” Ken said, finally holding Josh’s gaze with eyes that were fiery yet shy. “I mean, don’t tell me _you_ never thought of doing… me…”

Josh chuckled nervously and ran a hand through his hair. He _has_ thought of taking Ken before. If he were being honest, he had the odd belief that anybody would be at least curious how it would feel to top Ken Suson. But unlike him, Ken had been straight before he was with Josh. Josh didn’t think he would be interested in bottoming.

“And… how long have you been thinking about this?”

“A while,” he replied.

“Is this the only reason you got back with me?”

“No, it’s _not_ ,” Ken mumbled. “But… I just thought… since we’re back together anyway, why not?”

The whole time he said this, Ken could not meet his gaze. It was these moments that Josh relied on how well he knew his groupmates. The slightest flutter of their eyelids, the smallest bite of the lip, and the tiniest fraction of a frown; none of these escaped his observant gaze. He could tell that underneath the seemingly-blank look, there was a thousand of words that Ken was probably not comfortable saying just yet.

For all his bravado and his façade, Ken is still a kid. Josh found it endearing.

He cupped the younger’s chin and tilted his head. “Last chance. Are you sure?”

Ken looked a little bit insulted before he grabbed the collar of Josh’s shirt and kissed him hungrily. It took a split second for Josh to return it, trying to take control over Ken this time, slowing down their kissing into a sweet and gentle exchange.

When they broke their lip lock, Ken pressed their foreheads together.

“Don’t treat me like a kid,” he said. “Just take the offer.”

Josh smiled at him warmly, before he kissed Ken again. As he did, he started to push the younger on his back to the mattress.

“If you say so.”

Josh could feel the excitement blooming in his chest, like something in him that was asleep for so long was suddenly stirring awake. Part of it was because he was giddy at the prospect of being able to top again after a long time; but it was more because the thought of pleasuring Ken in a different way lit up a fire in his joints and his bones.

Josh wasted no time taking off both their shirts before he divested Ken of his jeans and his undergarments. Once he was completely naked, Josh took the rare chance to ogle him. When he unconsciously licked his lips, Ken closed his legs together in an attempt to hide himself.

“Stop staring,” he said, twisting so he was almost on his side. This did not hide the redness in his face. “You’re acting like a weirdo.”

Josh just chuckled at this and kissed the side of his knee. “You were the same way when you first took me, though.”

Ken looked away. Josh didn’t doubt that he was thinking about their first time together, just as Josh was. In a way, this was _another_ first for them; and Josh wanted nothing more than to make this just as special as their first time.

Josh walked slowly to the cabinet to retrieve their supplies. He didn’t bother to close the door as he hurriedly walked back to the naked young man on his bed.

“Are you going to p-prepare me?” he stuttered.

_Cute_.

“Yes, Ken. I am,” he said, sitting at the edge and thumbing at Ken’s hip. “Because unlike you, I _do_ care for my partner’s ass before I take them.”

Ken pouted, then covered his face and kept looking away. “Just… make it so it doesn’t hurt.”

“Well, that’s going to be a hard bargain,” Josh smirked. “But if you think you can’t take it, just hit the wall twice, okay?”

“Oka—”

Without letting him finish, Josh kissed him again. Slowly, passionately, a little playfully as he bit and sucked. Ken started to look a little lightheaded, eyes closing over themselves as he planted his hands on Josh’s back.

_So far, so good_ , thought Josh. His own heart pounded in his chest. Nothing was stopping him from just going ahead and ripping the poor boy apart… but _no_. Josh wanted this to feel good, and it wasn’t just so Ken would want to bottom again. But that was part of it.

_Patience._

When Ken seemed to have lost himself in their kissing—it was strange that he had gone mellow compared to his bullheaded attitude only minutes ago—Josh expertly let go of his hold on Ken so he could squeeze a copious amount of lube on his right hand.

“Open your legs,” he whispered.

Ken gulped but obeyed anyway. He was already half-hard from their kissing which was a good sign, and Josh planned to keep him distracted enough for what was about to happen.

“Hit the wall twice, okay?” Josh reminded.

“I know! Stop naggi— _ah—motherfu-wah_!”

Ken jolted when he felt Josh’s fingers slide between the flesh that guarded his entrance and push in a little inside his hole. Josh chuckled at his reaction, reveling at how different it was to have Ken beneath him like this.

“Hurts?”

“Stings… and it’s weird,” Ken said, trying to get up on his elbows to see.

Josh chuckled again.

“You are enjoying this, aren’t you?” Ken asked him sarcastically.

“Oh, baby,” Josh said, wiggling his finger past the ring of tight muscle, making Ken groan. “You don’t know just how much.”

Josh winced as Ken dug nails on his bare back as his finger was tucked fully inside. Ken’s eyebrows furrowed deeply at his forehead, causing creases to appear on his skin. Josh just ghosted his lips over them, soothing and kissing away the tension. When Josh felt that Ken had grown accustomed to the intrusion, he began to draw his fingers in and out.

Josh laughed when Ken pulled him close, hugging him and burying himself at the curve of Josh’s neck. His breathing was labored, and he kept making throaty hums.

“Two,” Josh whispered to Ken’s crown. “If it hurts, hit the—”

“Hit the wall, I know,” he said. “Just get on with it.”

Ken gave a pained yelp when Josh slowly slid a second finger inside, wiggling and trying to get past the tight ring of muscle. He hugged Josh tighter, and Josh thought he felt something wet on his shoulder from Ken’s eyes. He tried to stop, but Ken insisted he continue. So Josh peeled away from him and leaned in to distract him with heated kisses.

When Josh added a third finger, Ken bit Josh’s lip hard in surprise.

“ _Ow_!” he cried. Ken’s eyes were red from fighting back the tears from falling. “ _It_ … _it hurts_!”

Josh pressed their foreheads together and exhaled, feeling Ken’s heartbeat pounding against his own. He brushed Ken’s hair back with his free hand and said, “Okay… okay. Should I pull out?”

“N-No. I can handle it, just… stop moving for a bit.”

Josh obeyed, grateful that Ken was still holding on. It would be such a waste for the both of them to quit halfway. Josh had been hard and ready for a while, and Ken was starting to get soft. He would have to be more patient, Josh reminded himself.

_Patience, patience, patience_.

He was chanting in his head the whole time he trailed his lips down Ken’s neck, his chest, until he found a hard nipple and suckled on it. Ken let out a high-pitched whine, like a falsetto but breathy and sensual. This encouraged Josh, and he continued to lick the nub until Ken relaxed underneath him, hands tugging at Josh’s hair.

Ken gasped when Josh stopped kissing his chest to go down on the dips and the valleys of his abs. He was already kneeling on the floor as he continued to go down… down… down. Ken propped himself up on his elbows to watch, and when Josh ghosted a hand over his V-line Ken laid back again, covering his mouth with one hand.

_Patience, patience, patience_ , Josh chanted. Then he started to pump on Ken’s shaft causing the younger to stir to life. Ken unconsciously opened his legs a bit wider, making it easier for Josh to get back to preparing his back entrance. Josh worked him diligently, timing his thrusts so that Ken was jerking on the bed at the sensations Josh was giving to him.

_Patience, patience, patience_ , Josh kept on chanting, because he was getting impatient. His pants were getting too tight and his hands were starting to go numb. He started to move them faster, one hand pumping Ken’s shaft and the other busy thrusting in and out of his hole, until he pushed a little too deeply with his fingers in his excitement—

And Ken came with a loud yelp.

“ _Fuck_!” he shouted, hitting the wall once. Something in the room clattered to the floor, but they paid it no mind. Josh watched in surprise as Ken’s cock spurted white ropes in the middle of his pumping.

“ _W-Wha-wuzzat_?” Ken asked drunkenly, his thighs still jerking as his orgasm washed over him.

Josh stopped, then he gave a hearty chuckle. “That,” he started and nudged his fingers inside Ken again to emphasize, “was your sweet spot, babe.”

“My _wah_?”

Josh felt his heart fluttering in his chest. Ken looked like he was still out of it, and he shivered when Josh gently pulled his fingers out.

“ _Hmmn_ …” Ken breathed out.

“Hey…” Josh whispered to him as he climbed back on the bed on all fours between Ken’s open legs, just as naked as the younger man underneath him. “Ken? Baby?”

“Who’re you calling baby?” Ken complained through half-lidded eyes that did not intimidate. His face was flushed, he was sweating, and he was panting heavily.

Josh kissed his jaw while his one hand spread Ken’s legs even wider so he could position himself between them. Ken groaned and shielded his face.

“Are you scared?” he asked.

Ken just shook his head. “I trust you.”

“Then don’t hide your face from me,” Josh asked him.

Ken lowered his arms to peek at Josh from under them. His eyes were red under his hooded lids, but his pupils were wide. There was something sexy about the way his edgy features softened, utterly wrecked just by Josh’s hands. Ken hung his arms on the elder’s shoulders.

“Go on…”

Josh nodded at the invitation. He leaned down to kiss Ken while lining himself just right. Then, as the man beneath him returned his kisses with equal fervor, Josh started to push in.

“ _Mmph_!” Ken exclaimed as he felt the wet tip invade him. He tightened his hold on Josh and let out a whimper.

Josh himself was distracted as he tried to hold himself back from just impaling Ken in one go. He had already imagined it would be like this but _holy moly_ , Ken was tight! He could feel Ken’s walls squeeze around him, sucking him and yet trying to push him out. Josh’s arms tensed as he slowly sheathed himself fully into Ken, the other digging fingernails into his back as he did. A shiver ran up Josh’s spine and he collapsed on top of his lover.

“ _Ah_ …!” Josh cried.

“ _Mmh_ … ‘T hurts…!”

Ken whined a whine that was uncharacteristic of him, but to Josh it sounded like a beautiful tune played on the viola. _Patience_ , he reminded himself. It was too hard to do now that Ken was almost too wonderfully tight around him, Ken was holding on too desperately to him, and Ken was looking deliciously debauched underneath him.

“Patience, baby,” he whispered into Ken’s ear as he propped himself up again. He began to thrust slowly, more to stop himself from coming too fast than to get Ken accustomed to his size. “I got you…”

“ _Hn_ …”

Josh kissed him again. This time, it became heated in a matter of seconds and Josh started to pick up the pace, thrusting into Ken despite the younger’s protesting whines. Ken pulled him closer, wrapping his arms around him as he started to jut his hips to meet Josh in the middle.

“Oh!” Ken exclaimed, breaking their kiss and trying to watch Josh pound into him. “It’s—I’m— _Ah_!”

He was practically squealing, and Josh suddenly forgot what the word ‘ _patience_ ’ meant. Josh picked up on his instinct long buried and he grabbed the back of Ken’s thighs as he leaned forward, pressing the two of them together.

Ken jolted, the feeling of Josh being buried so deep into him sending a pleasurable kind of burn to spread across his body. He looked like he wanted to complain, wanted to scream and shout; instead, he started grabbing the beddings for some sort of grip as Josh picked up the intensity of pounding into him. Pretty soon, Ken’s one hand was clawing at the sheets, punching the wooden wall, causing whatever unsecured article nearby to topple over from the shelves.

Josh paused, annoyed, when Ken hit the wall in rapid succession. In the distance, they heard some plastic bottle to fall to the floor.

“Wanna sto—?”

“ _Fuck_ , _don’t stop_!” he begged, trying to get back the feeling that was causing him so much pain, so much pleasure.

Josh relented to his pleading, planting his hands on the bed and using his knees do drive himself as deep as he could into Ken’s pliant body. Josh could feel something inside him peak, and he tried to chase the addicting feeling, riding Ken without mercy.

Ken, on the other hand, was curled up so tightly that he just lay there and took it. He looked like he didn’t know which way was up but was concentrating on whatever feeling Josh gave to him in shocking waves. His choked out his moans, drowning out the sound of the double deck creaking around them.

“ _Josh_ …!” he cried, “Feels weird…!”

Josh shut him up by kissing him. It was an animalistic kiss, just the two of them angrily nipping at each other’s lips as their shared movements became erratic and sloppy. He continued to slam into the man underneath him, chasing the release he craved, and with one final nudge he spilled his load inside the younger. Ken groaned; but not just because he was full, but because he had also come with just Josh banging into him.

Josh collapsed on top of a spent Ken, and the two of them unconsciously wrapped their arms around each other. They spent the next minute cooling down, catching their breath, and letting the haze of mind-blowing sex seep into their pressed skins.

“ _Holy crap_ …” Ken whispered after a while. Josh could hear his heartbeat as he lay his ears to Ken’s chest.

“Holy crap indeed.”

“That was more painful than I thought it would be.”

“Wait ‘til you wake up tomorrow,” Josh said, looking up at him, smiling.

“But… it was… _wild_.”

“It’s different when you receive, huh?”

Ken nodded. “Totally… I felt like I was being chopped in half at first.”

“I know,” Josh nodded. Then, after looking deeply into Ken’s beautiful brown eyes, he said, “So why did you want me to top, _really_?”

“Curious…” he replied, but Ken blinked too many times which told Josh it wasn’t everything.

“There’s something more.” Josh put both his hands over Ken’s chest and rested his chin over them. “Tell me?”

Ken smirked at him, defeated. Then he ghosted a finger over Josh’s still-flushed cheek. “Can’t get anything past you, can I?”

“After all these years? You wish.”

“I just…” he brushed Josh’s bangs away from his eyes, “felt like I needed to give you something. Something special.”

“What? Why?”

Ken shrugged. “You deserve it,” he said. “You deserve everything, Josh. Everything I can give you.”

A warmth spread across Josh’s chest as he drowned in Ken’s warm and loving gaze. Indeed, if Ken was one thing as a partner, he would be a giver. He gave and gave without asking for anything in return. He was the type of spoiled other people rotten. Sometimes, at his own expense. Josh couldn’t help but chuckle.

It was this generosity that made Josh think twice about their relationship in the past. Ken’s need to be giving eventually made him want to give up his career so they could be together. And Josh got scared. He got scared of Ken’s generosity. He got scared of his own selfishness. He knew if Ken kept giving and he kept taking, he would eventually find himself as an insatiable black hole that would suck the life out of this brilliant young man.

But now, a year later, they were older. Hopefully, wiser. And Josh felt just a little bit less selfish than he was a year ago. He felt just a little bit more ready to stop taking, and start giving, too.

Josh smiled and pushed himself up so he could kiss a confused Ken.

“Is there something funny?”

“Not exactly… I just thought… You sure love giving stuff away, huh?”

“Well… if it’s something I can give you.”

Josh sighed. “Ken…” he started and looked at him intensely. “You give me everything just by breathing. So can you please stop thinking that you owe me something?”

“Oh…”

“You look dumb. What ‘oh’?”

“Is it… too much?”

Josh shook his head. “It’s not that you’re giving me too much. It’s that you’re giving yourself too little.”

He kissed Ken again, deeper this time, and more sincere. Every touch of his lips a message that he could not put into words.

“You are enough, baby,” he said. “You don’t need to give me any more. I don’t need it, and I won’t leave you even without it. Okay?”

Ken visibly turned red and he cupped Josh’s face in his hand. “So people really get sentimental when they’re older, huh?”

Josh flicked his forehead. “You are infuriating…”

“But… You. Love. Me.”

“Yes. I. Do.”

Ken gave a satisfied sigh and hugged Josh tighter to himself. To Josh, he looked like he had a lot to think about starting from where they were now and where they would be going together. Ken may still be a kid, Josh had to admit, but he was growing right before his eyes. As Josh became wiser in the past year, Ken matured, too. And there was no question in his mind that if they were going to love, this time, they would love a little bit better than the last.

Ken attempted to stand, a little wobbly. When Josh asked him what he was doing, he said he would clean them up. But the elder pushed him back onto the bed while he got some wet tissues from the cabinet. Then, lovingly, Josh wiped Ken clean and then himself, before dressing the two of them, too. When he was done, he pushed the tissues, along with the soiled beddings, and all of the things that fell from their respective shelves in one pile on the corner.

Josh lay beside Ken, watching as the younger squeezed in to Josh's warmth and close his eyes.

“Josh?” Ken said weakly while Josh combed his fingers through Ken’s hair.

“Hm?”

“I think I like topping better, though…”

“Yes, I know, baby,” Josh replied, chuckling. “I know…”

**//END//**

**Author's Note:**

> i had josh use a pet name! aren’t you proud?


End file.
